Children experience stress and fear during divorce, just like you do. How they handle their feelings is different than for you. You have to realize that creating a good parenting plan, one that works, does not happen overnight. Dividing the time with your children is not like determining how to divide a retirement account. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, children are not possessions, so creating a parenting plan is not about who gets the kids. 

Divorce should never put children in a position where they have to divide their loyalty, nor should it prevent them from maintaining a healthy relationship with both parents. Most of the stress and struggle children face during a divorce and the transition is a reaction to the behavior they see in their parents. This is especially true when either parent attaches conditions to the relationship between the child and the other parent, for example, denying or limiting access because a child support payment was late. Now, while you may use this type of tactic to punish your spouse, it ends up emotionally hurting the child. Ultimately, the faster and easier the divorce, the healthier it will be for children. 

You may be concerned about making the right choices when it comes to post-divorce parenting, but you may not have any idea how to create the right plan for yourself and your children. Sometimes, it is difficult for you to separate your feelings for each other from your roles as parents. While it is true that divorce does impact a child’s life, as parents, you are the ones responsible for what that impact is. So, there must be a mutual decision from the very start to keep children out of a divorce and for parents to separate the child-related decisions from every other issue.